The Golden Rule

I'm sure you have heard of the "Golden Rule" to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" And I am sure that many of you reading this, if not all of you have tried, or try to live your life this way. My question is, Is this the best way to live your life? Is this the best use of your time? To treat other people the way you want to be treated?

My answer is, no. I tried for many years to live by this principle, "to treat other people the way I wanted to be treated," and it simply doesn't work. For starters, this is a very selfish way to live. To only treat other people kindly because you are hoping for them to, in turn, treat you kindly. It is a very self-centered way to live.

Now, before you dismiss me completely, let me explain. I know a woman, who is a dear friend. This lady would do ANYTHING for a friend. She would set aside her own agenda, to help anyone who crosses her path who needs help. The problem is, this woman is divorced, and part of the reason she sought a divorce, is because she treated her husband this way, "she treated him the way she wanted to be treated" And when he didn't return the "favor" anger, bitterness, and resentment crept into her heart, and she started looking for ways to get out of this "one sided relationship" She started looking for someone who would meet her needs. She even told me once, "wouldn't the world be a better place, if instead of each of us looking out for ourselves, we looked out for each other" It sounded good at first, but the closer I looked at this philosophy, I began to see it's flaws.

We cannot expect other people to meet our needs. We cannot have selfish motives in helping other people, and expect good to come from it. Our motivation to help, to serve, to be kind to one another must come from a pure heart. How can we have a pure heart in our service to others? Ask yourself the question, "what does this person need?" And listen to the answer. Or better yet, ask the person yourself, "how can I help you" or "what can I do for you" and here's the key, the million dollar secret...listen. For now, you do not need to act. You do not need to speak. Simply Listen. Easier said than done. We all want to TAKE ACTION, to do something. But right now, we are only talking about motivation, and our desire to serve out of a pure heart, and in my opinion, the best way to do this, the only way to do this is to listen to those you desire to serve.

Listening is the key to understanding. Listen, not only to the words, but listen to the heart, to the unspoken desires that show up with action, body language, and even in anger, and hostility...listen. Now, if you are ready to hear the words I am share with you, I warn you, these words are powerful, and they have the ability to change your life forever...if you let them. Remember when I said that I no longer "do unto others as I would have them do unto me" Well, that was part true and part false. Each person that you meet is unique. We are all unique. Some people prefer to meet for lunch, others coffee, some by phone, others by email...treating everyone as you would like to be treated means that you get to know, personally, each of the people in your life, and you figure out how THEY want to be treated.

I made some of my best tips, as a waitress, when my rowdy customers would be rude, I would dish out more rudeness, and they loved it, and in return I received a bigger tip, than if I would have treated them the same way I treated my friendly customers. The key is to figure out how each of the people in your life want to be treated, and treat them that way. Not the way YOU want to be treated, but the way THEY want to be treated. I started living this way a couple of years ago, and let me tell you, it is not easy. My natural bent is to treat everyone with kindness, I am naturally optimistic, outgoing, and friendly, but some people, particularly those who are grieving need someone who will grieve with them. When you are hurting, the last thing you need is for someone to say, "cheer up!" or "get over it" I am sure you've heard of the saying, "misery loves company" It's true. When we hurt, we want someone who is willing to hurt with us, to "share our pain" to empathize. It is not easy, but the benefits are...well, you'll just have to experience it for yourself. You wouldn't believe me if I told you, but it is true, sometimes, it it better to weep tears of sorrow, than to laugh tears of joy.

So, if you are up for the challenge, try it this week, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" After all, you don't want other people to treat you the way they want to be treated do you? OF course not, you want them to treat you the way you want to be treated. So for this week, won't you consider, for one week, in your interaction with other people, STOP THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF!! Get over yourself, and focus on how you can serve and help others, ask someone this week, "how can I help you" and listen. listen to their words, listen to their body language, listen to their heart (the words behind their words) Then do unto them accordingly. Their is no formula or pattern to follow here. This is guerrilla warfare. One-on-One relationship building at it's finest. After all, consider the One who originally spoke these words, The Lord Jesus Christ, himself. He does not treat us all the same. He deals with each of us in our own unique way. He tailor makes His response to each of us based on our particular needs. He serves us in all our needs, that we might follow His example and serve others in their needs.

Building realtionships through listening,
One person at a time

Jennifer

In short, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" This isn't about treating other people the way you want to be treated- that is a very self-centered way to read this verse.

It's about taking yourself out of the equation, and treating others the way they want to be treated. How do you do this? Listen to the people you seek to serve. Get to know the people you seek to serve. I used to treat everyone the same, now I am learning to treat each person uniquly.