How to Stay Positive During Deployemnts

I am an Army Wife. I have been married to my husband Mike for 9 years, in December, and he has been in the US Army for 12 years this April. I have a love/hate relationship with the Army. I am proud beyond words to be married to a man who is willing to lay down his life to protect the freedoms and way of life we enjoy as American citizens, and I love the community of women I have been privileged to meet as we have traveled the world. I respect my husband and his career choice. But...

I hate the deployments. I hate being married, yet functioning as a single person for 3,6,9 months, even a year at a time. So, I have this outgoing, friendly, always optimistic personality type, and people always ask me, how do you stay positive during the deployments...so here's a few things I do to stay positive during the long separations...

First, I allow myself to have an "off" day every now and then. No one can be positive all the time. I have days that I decide to stay in bed and cry, or have a movie day and stay in my pj's all day, or just be really angry, and make a list of everything that I am frustrated about. Then, I get back to normal. I go for a walk, call a friend, get together with a girlfriend for a lunch date, make an appointment to get my hair or nails done, get a massage...whatever it is that makes you feel "cared for"

Another tip for staying positive is to surround yourself with a network of people who will encourage you, and support you. Get involved in your community, or an activity or cause that you care about. There is something magical about helping other people, taking the focus off of yourself, and focusing your energies on helping others that just automatically lifts the blues and helps you to feel happy.

I also spend a lot of time thinking about my husband, making lists of all the things I love about him, remember the day we met, playing good memories of our time together over in my mind. "Love keeps no records of wrongs" I am a really good record keeper, so I have twisted this verse, to my new phrase"love keeps good records of rights" When my husband is deployed, I spend a lot of time thinking about all the things that are right in our marriage.

Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder, absence, simply makes us forget. So, I choose to remember. The worst part about the deployments is feeling disconnected from your spouse. That feeling that "we just aren't as close as we used to be" So I remind myself, it could be worse, we could be living in the same house and feel that way. I remind myself, the reason we feel disconnected is because we are.... by space...but God in His infinite wisdom and perfect timing gives us glimpses of "connection" Reminders that we are still connected. We are still one. We will be rejoined again.

I am fortunate to have a husband who loves God, and when I asked him several years ago during his second deployment to Iraq, "What can I do for you while you are gone" and his answer was simple, to the point, that it has been my mantra and focus during each deployment we have experienced. Here was his request, "Keep focused on God. Keep focused on our marriage." It really is that simple. You can do this. You are not alone.

The best piece of advice I ever recied was from a 4 star Generals Wife, she said, "Honey, a deployemnt will not make or break your marrage, if a marrage has problems during the deployment, there were problems before the deployemnt." That advice has really stuck with me. She had been married for 30 years, and I asked her, "does it get easier?" She said, "No sweetheart, it gets harder." Now you may not look at it this way, but those words were very encouraging to me.

You see, encouragement is not pumping someone up, flattery, or saying flowery words that people want to hear. Encouragemnt is Truth. The truth is marrage is hard work, no matter who you are. We all have special circumstances and challenges. To hear that it gets harder encouraged me to never let my guard down. To continue to work hard on my marrage while my hubby is home, so that we have a solid foundation to build upon when he's "traveling for work"...I hope this helps. I love my man. And I am dedicated to my marrage...for better or worse. I hope this encourages you to do the hard and incredibly rewarding work of investing in your marrage. You can get through just about anything life throws at you if you maintain a positive attitude, and have a pj day every now and then : )